Black Cake, Turtle Soup: A Journey Through Racism for Any Month of the Year

Years ago, I attended a one-day workshop on racism. At one point, the workshop leader asked one person in the group to sit on the hotseat to learn about the experience of racism from a first-person perspective by talking about a time they’d experienced an “ism.” I volunteered.

Book cover for 'Black Cake, Turtle Soup, and other dilemmas' by Gloria Blizzard with a colorful wave pattern background.

I sat in the chair, closed my eyes, and—guided by his questions—recounted my experience with a long-ago boyfriend and his abiding misogyny. As the workshop leader led me slowly through a specific memory, I dove deeper and deeper into an incident that I needed thirty-five years to understand was rape. 

Before I opened my eyes, after I had dissolved into heaving sobs, the leader brought me gently back to the present and translated my pain into a new level of awareness of the parallels—NOT the sameness, but the similarities—between all kinds of “isms” and “phobias,” in this case racism and sexism. 

Not a day has gone by in the thirty-some years since then that I haven’t reflected on what I learned that day. I can’t ever know the pain of the constant “othering” that must constantly wear down the resolve of the strongest of individuals. I can only try to learn more, to understand more about racism when life presents me with an opportunity. 

Gloria Blizzard’s (class of 2021) book of lyric essays, Black Cake, Turtle Soup, and Other Dilemmas (Dundurn Press, 2024) presents such an opportunity. I’d like to say that once I picked it up, I couldn’t put it down, but that’s not true. Rather, after I’d read almost every essay, I needed to put the book down and take some time to process and integrate what I’d just read. Like this passage, from an essay called “The Mathematics of Rage.”

Sitting at Northwood on Bloor Street West over a mocktail and beer, Gillian asks, “Did you notice suddenly becoming invisible to men around age forty?” 

Me: “Nope.”

“Yeah, but you are beautiful.”

“So are you.”

“But I noted it and it was sudden.” Gillian is smart, gorgeous, accomplished, white, a writer, and one of my mentors during my MFA. 

Good for her, I thought, as mostly I found myself far too visible. Still. A constant imposition or a weight lay upon me. Except, that is, when I wanted medical or legal care or psychological or academic care for me or my child—then I became eminently less visible, categorically unseen, a giant perplexity for someone who looked at me blankly, or with sexually laced assumptions or suspicion. 

This is not unlike my trip to a walk-in medical clinic for extreme rib pain that had me hobbled. After an hour wait, I was sent to an examining room. The doctor entered. I sat twisted in pain and pointing at my chest. His face turned to scorn, the absence of concern. “Get out,” he said. “Just, just go,” he said, waving me and my pain away. 

It happens to women of all ages and races, this shifting state of value and visibility. Gillian noted herself as suddenly unseen at a certain age. My Blackness, however, ensures that eyes remain on me. This disappears, however, when I am due for a promotion or in need of care. Then I am fucking invisible.

I did not respond in real time at the clinic. My thoughts were blunted by pain, shock, and confusion. This medical assault surprised and shocked me, and yet it did not surprise me at all. The doctor assumed I was there for opiates. …

The doctor got paid by our state for that visit. For my pain-infused walk to and presence in that clinic, I got nothing. The next day, after another pain-filled night, I took more time off from my job and visited a naturopath who was also a chiropractor. I paid for this visit myself. Upon a physical examination that took approximately two minutes, he determined I had a dislocated rib. “What have you done to yourself?” he asked. “This is a body response. Have you been under extreme stress?” 

“You have no idea,” I responded. 

That was exactly the lesson I learned at that workshop all those years ago: I can try my best to understand every day. And I do try. Every day. It’s literally the least I can do. But no matter what I do or how hard I try, I will never really have any idea. 

That’s the reality that all of us need to integrate into our lives and reflect on every day for the rest of our lives. Adding this excellent book to the library of books and movies I continue to accumulate—not just in the years since that workshop, not just in the months after George Floyd’s murder, not just during Black History Month, but every month of every year I continue to be alive—is one small way to continue trying. 

It’s not enough, of course. I doubt anything will be enough in my lifetime. But to paraphrase a very wise woman I once knew: How do you start fighting racism? You just start.

Other books that deal with racism:

Visiting Africa: A Memoir, by Jesse O’Reilly Conlin

Highway of Tears: A True Story of Racism, Indifference and the Pursuit of Justice for Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women and Girls, by Jessica McDiarmid

Wanda’s War: An Untold Story of Nazi Europe, Forced Labour, and a Canadian Immigration Scandal, by Marsha Faubert

One in Six Million: The Baby by the Roadside and the Man Who Recovered a Holocaust Survivor’s Lost Identity, by Amy Fish

Poverty Awareness Month: Thoughts on Deborah Dundas’s “On Class”

January is Poverty Awareness Month in Canada, so for what’s left of this month (now that I’m back from my blogging holiday) I’m focusing on awareness-raising books. The first is Deborah Dundas’s (class of 2023) slim volume, On Class (Biblioasis, 2023). At just 35,000 words, it’s more like the “pamphlets” that were once distributed to share burgeoning social and political ideas than a book that, given its subject matter, could easily be twice its size.

Cover of the book 'Deborah Dundas on Class', featuring worn-out boots and a sunburst design.

Poverty is a singular experience. My parents both experienced it as children in single-parent homes during The Great Depression. My mother and her mother worked as maids for a wealthy family in Shaughnessy, Vancouver’s “old money” neighbourhood. When their employers had chicken for supper, the staff had eggs—”chicken in the shell,” they called it. The nights my mom and hers had dinner at home, my Gran would get a free soup bone at the butcher (it was going to go into the garbage) and two day-old muffins at the bakery. Their supper would be a bowl of beef broth with a muffin. 

My father quit school at the age of fifteen to support his mother and younger brother as an errand boy, finishing high school at night. When WWII broke out, he joined the Air Force, dreaming of a career as a commercial pilot that would lift him and his family out of poverty. That dream was shattered along with his left leg when his plane was shot down just after D Day and he was left with a permanent disability that precluded flying. 

My family didn’t have a lot when we were children—second-hand clothes and used cars—but my mother could stretch a dime into a dollar at the grocery store, and my parents managed to buy a house in a suburban community outside of Toronto. Mom bartered with music and dance teachers so we could lessons, and we had home-grown birthdays and Christmases, and camping trips in the summer in a tent trailer my father built. 

My ex-husband and I struggled during our two older children’s early lives when our after-tax income generally left us hovering just above Statistics Canada’s low-income cut-off (LICO). But (for reasons that were far from fortunate but that I won’t go into) we owned a townhouse and a car and my husband had a steady job with benefits. My mother was able to help us out occasionally (my father had died when I was sixteen); after she died, my siblings and I each received a modest inheritance, which also helped.

But while each generation faced hardships, none of this is like the poverty Dundas describes. My parents’ poverty was what literally the whole world was experiencing at the time. As a child growing up in a family of modest means, I never felt singled out among my friends, whose families struggled as ours did. And the main thing that singled my children out from their classmates was that they had life-threatening food allergies and asthma at a time when this was still unusual. 

This is an entirely different experience than the kind of poverty Dundas describes, the kind where you own only two sets of clothes and one of them is always dirty, where you can’t afford shampoo so you wash your hair with dish soap, where it’s not that you hope dinner won’t be hamburger again but that you’ll have dinner. That kind of poverty leaves its imprint well into adult life, when it reminds you over and over that you’re not worthy and you shouldn’t expect much out of life. Only a few, like Dundas, climb out of that deeply entrenched poverty, a climb that’s as much psychological as financial in that it has much less to do with pulling oneself up by one’s bootstraps than believing one is just as deserving of a decent life as anyone else. 

I volunteered with an anti-poverty activist group for a time when my children were young and the most powerful thing I learned is that true poverty exists as much in the mind as in the wallet or the bank. That’s a point that too many middle-class people don’t grasp and one that Dundas talks about candidly and compassionately without ever being maudlin or melodramatic. The following passage exemplifies this (links added):

Eric Walters and I are sitting on a patio in Corso Italia, a neighbourhood just east of Old Weston Road [in Toronto], the poorer part, now gentrifying, the part where Walters grew up with responsibilities no young kid should have to shoulder: his mother died when he was four years old; his father’s mental illness would drive him to disappear for days at a time; his older sister left that toxic situation as soon as she could, and Walters had to fend for himself. 

He became the “King of Jam Sandwiches”—also the title of his Governor General’s Award-winning children’s book. While his books for young people range in topic from math to the space race, it wasn’t until he was older that he was able to write the one that won him that GG. The King of Jam Sandwiches is a novel, but it was his story: A book about class, about growing up in a neighbourhood with economic challenges, working class, without many prospects. About the daily indignities of growing up poor—about counting cans of food to see how long you might be able to feed yourself if your dad didn’t come back and there was no money to buy more. And it was about wanting something more out of life. 

He didn’t write that book while he was young, he says, because “I wanted to get published.” He wrote plenty of stories that editors were willing to publish and did—dozens of them. This story went unwritten as Walters did what most of us who were poor and ambitious do: he tried to fly under the radar and fit in. When he finally wrote a story about poor kids, he was told by the editor that the character wasn’t believable. “He sounds too grown up,” he recalls being told. Walters’ reply? Of course he does—he’d had to grow up fast. To this editor, though, that translated into not being “relatable” for most kids. 

But Walter’s story isn’t unusual. We try to fit in partly out of fear that people will decide we don’t belong, that we’re outsiders, the them to their us—we don’t have the power to influence the decision. When belonging includes people in positions of power who determine whether you’re going to get a job or who determine whether your book is going to get published, then fitting in matters. …

To this day, Walters still counts cans in his pantry. 

This book is an easy read because it’s short and it’s written at a reading level and in a voice most readers can relate to. It’s a difficult read because it’s so stark and so true. Above all, it’s an indispensable read because, to broadly paraphrase Lilla Watson, the Australian Aboriginal activist, only when we recognize that other people’s oppression is tied to our own will we be able to work together to liberate one another. 

Books that touch on issues of class and poverty:

The Fruitful City: The Enduring Power of the Urban Food Forest, by Helena Moncrieff

No Place to Go: How Public Toilets Fail Our Private Needs, by Lezlie Lowe

The View from Coffin Ridge: A Childhood Exhumed, by Gwen Lamont

Understanding How Concussion Affects Women’s Lives

This week’s post is not about a book—well it is, sort of; and it’s not about a UKing’s grad, although it is about someone who attended the MFA in Creative Nonfiction program. 

Julia Nunes, who has cowritten two books on mental health with Scott Simmie, was in the class of 2016. We hit it off while we were in New York for the publishing residency. My book (which will be released in the spring) is about a concussion I suffered over twenty years ago now. She, too, was writing about concussion, focusing on her son, who was at that time lying in bed with, if memory serves, his second hockey concussion—crushing headaches, severe photophobia, disorienting dizziness, ongoing vomiting, the whole nine yards. 

The first night we were in New York, I was out to dinner with Deirdre Macdonald (a peer in the class of 2015 who’s just released her MFA book project, Her Hat in the Ring: Toronto Milliner El Jamon and Her Circle). As we got up to leave, I slipped on a piece of tomato on the floor and fell backward, striking the back of my head on the corner of a table in almost exactly the same spot I had struck in 2003, when I sustained the concussion I was writing about. 

I went by ambulance to the hospital (with Deirdre, bless her) and yes, I had another concussion. It nearly ruined my time in New York—headaches, dizziness, thankfully not vomiting—so I only attended a few of the lectures (couldn’t focus for long) and none of the social events (way too loud). By the last day, I was feeling a bit better, so Julia and I explored The Highline and walked around Strand Books.

I finished my degree that year; Julia didn’t get to finish the year because a short while later she fell and had a severe concussion. It took her months to recover. I think she’d hoped to return the following year, but then she suffered another concussion, and another (having one concussion increases the risk of having another). 

So, she never finished her degree (or, as far as I know, the book about the inadequate way children’s sports teams were dealing with concussion in players). However,  I recently read an excellent book called Impact: Women Writing After Concussion, edited by ED Morin and Jane Cawthorne (University of Alberta Press, 2021). Toward the end of this wonderful and vindicating anthology of essays is an essay by Julia Nunes called “The Next Hit.”

This excerpt hit home for me:

I attended a speech recently by a woman who lived first with post-concussion syndrome (PCS) and then with breast cancer. She shared a PowerPoint graph called “Sympathy by Casserole.” The comparison was stark: friends and family delivered more than sixty meals as she underwent chemotherapy versus zero meals post-concussion. Yet breast cancer, she said, was a breeze compared to PCS. The pain was less intense and the brain fog of chemotherapy had nothing on the confused, muddy state of the concussed mind.

I had something like this happen to me not long after my concussion. A friend who no longer lives on the Pacific Coast came into town with her husband for three months. In all that time, she found forty-five minutes for me but visited a friend who was dealing with breast cancer numerous times. When I expressed my hurt, she responded with something like, “Lynne, she has cancer. You bumped your head.” 

No one really understands concussion until and unless they live through it; no one understands that while seventy to eighty-five percent of concussions heal within days, weeks, or months, the other fifteen to thirty percent can continue causing symptoms for years, even lifetimes. 

Sadly, I know Julia understands—sadly because as much I’d like people to understand better, I wouldn’t wish a single concussion on anyone, much less multiple concussions. 

If you’ve never had a concussion and would like to understand it better, read Impact, starting with Julia Nunes’ excellent essay, “The Next Hit.”

And if you’ve had a concussion and would like to see your experiences reflected accurately on a page, read Impact, starting with Julia Nunes’ excellent essay, “The Next Hit.”

Here are other books from the prolific graduating class of 2016:

The Fruitful City: The Enduring Power of the Urban Food Forest, by Helena Moncrieff

The Tides of Time: A Nova Scotia Book of Seasons, by Suzanne Stewart

Overrun: Dispatches from the Asian Carp Crisis, by Andrew Reeves

One Strong Girl: Surviving the Unimaginable—A Mother’s Memoir, by S. Lesley Buxton

A Cure for Heartache: Life’s Simple Pleasures, One Moment at a Time, by MJ Grant. Review coming soon.

Winter in the City of Light: A Search for Self in Retirementby Sue Harper

Conspiracy of Hope: The Truth About Breast Cancer Screening, by Renée Pellerin 

Craigdarroch Castle in 21 Treasures, by Moira Dann

Press Enter to Continue: Scribes from Babylon to Silicon, by Joan Francuz

Sit Still and Prosper: How a Former Money Manager Discovered the Path to Investing with Greater Clarity, Calmness, and Confidence, by Stephanie Griffiths. Review coming soon.

A Distorted Revolution: How Eric’s Trip Changed Music, Moncton and Me, by Jason Murray. Review coming soon.

No Place to Go: How Public Toilets Fail Our Private Needs, by Lezlie Lowe

Highway of Tears: A True Story of Racism, Indifference, and the Pursuit of Justice for Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women, by Jessica McDiarmid

F-Bomb: Dispatches from the War on Feminism, by Lauren McKeon

The Beauty of the Seasons: A Review of The Tides of Time

In university, I took a fourth-year course on the Romantic Period in English literature. I love the prose and poems of that period; Blake is my favourite, where my professor at the time was pretty much obsessed with Coleridge’s “Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner.” 

Book cover of 'The Tides of Time: A Nova Scotia Book of Seasons' by Suzanne Stewart, featuring a pastel background adorned with various leaves and flowers.

Suzanne Stewart (class of 2016) is a professor Romantic literature who teaches at St. Francis Xavier University. Sadly, she now reports that she hasn’t taught literature of that period for several years. I guess there’s not enough demand for it, which baffles me. That hasn’t stopped Stewart from bringing the words and mood of the Romantic writers to life in her book of lyric essays, The Tides of Time: A Nova Scotia Book of Seasons (Pottersfield Press, 2018).

In Tides of Time, Stewart goes through the year, month by month, looking at the labour of the people who produce the food we eat—real food, food from the earth, not from a factory. Starting in September (which is why I’m posting this on the first day of fall), she gets on her bike (or sometimes in her car) and cycles out to interview fishers, farmers, bakers, beekeepers, and cheesemakers, to name a few, around her home community of Antigonish about the work they do and why they love doing it. 

In keeping with the form of the lyric essay, she regularly quotes from writers of the Romantic Period, such as John Keats and William Wordsworth, Dorothy Wordsworth and Henry David Thoreau, and she occasionally throws in something from Aristotle or the Bible. But what’s most impressive about her writing is the vivid word pictures she paints of places and people and feelings. Here’s how she opens the chapter she calls Spring’s Overture:

Dawn comes suddenly now, with a beautiful blush. On March 1, the sky fills with muted amber and soft pink, as if wine had been poured into the air, tinging it with sweet fruitfulness. A burst of darker purple-pink appears like a cherry tree in blossom. Then the sky turns orange as the softest pink dissolves, which lightens to yellow as it spreads, like liquid from a lemon squeezed. 

A few thin grey clouds smudge the light. 

Feeling tired and distracted by the length of winter, I haven’t noticed beauty or looked this hard, for days, but this morning is different. Colour pours and blends and moves with the light. I’d like to slip into its heat. 

Now the colour is gone. Morning evolves. The day becomes dull: the sky plain and covered in clouds. 

In March, light stretches and retreats, still finding its comfort in the whiteness of winter. The days are longer but they haven’t lengthened all the way to spring. March’s fingers are still curled in the cold, unable to unfold, to reach that far.

But March is a month of music, probably more than of light. 

As I lie in bed, waiting for the first cracks of morning, I hear the birds. At this early hour, they sing more fully now. In spring, song precedes the light: invites it.

“The air is a velvet cushion against which I press my ear,” Henry David Thoreau said, as he listened for the sounds of the first robins and bluebirds and insects. 

“May my melody not be wanting to the season,” he added … “I go forth to make new demands on life.”

This month, Stewart will visit a sheep farm. She will go there in lambing season, when the ewes are birthing and then feeding their new babies. 

This is a beautiful book, evocatively, poetically, romantically written. It was also the second-place winner of the 2018 Pottersfield Prize for Creative Nonfiction. 

If you’re ever feeling down and you need something beautiful to lift you up, try this book. 

Other books with a lyrical quality:

Heartbroken: Field Notes on a Constant Condition, by Laura Pratt

I Don’t Do Disability: And Other Lies I’ve Told Myself, by Adelle Purdham

Other books about real food:

How to Clean a Fish: And Other Adventures in Portugal, by Esmeralda Cabral

The Fruitful City: The Enduring Power of the Urban Food Forest, by Helena Moncrieff

How to Share an Egg: A True Story of Hunger, Love, and Plenty, by Bonnie Reichert

Peace by Chocolate: The Hadhad Family’s Remarkable Journey from Syria to Canada, by Jon Tattrie